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Atsumari

Erin's Personal Logs

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Erin “Ari” Mizriki 
November 19 4566 midday
Private Work Room; TFS Lavie
 

(Due to the individual nature of this post I’m going to write it in first person.)

I had thought that I would try something with the coding skills that Remi had taught me... looking back on that thought maybe it wasn’t the best idea but somehow I needed it… I needed the closure. As much as I acted like I was over when it happened and the loss that I had felt from even losing my home... totally wrong hiding behind my rough interior denying my further internal self any release as what I needed was more than just sex. Even as I told Valona that it really was still deep within me. That’s where my idea came to pass.


In the work room that I was in I activated the virtual reality device connecting it with my VX and then I lay back on the couch covering myself in a fluffy blanket so I would be fine; then I closed my eyes activating my program. A world began to appear around me similar to home and the college I met Brandon at. As I looked around me the nature, the breeze, everything it just felt too real even though I knew it wasn’t. A single tear was about to come only to be stopped by my exterior walled off self. I entered into the school and there were people inside; arriving in the main area of the school I looked around to have someone catch my eye... my first mistake... He looked like Brandon... I felt my heart nearly rip itself out of my chest. It was such a stupid thing how could I think that a virtual world and a virtual version of my lost lover and friends be of any use. As my mind ran away with this thought I came to a realization about my needs and wants but how could I ever address them... I was second to everyone in my life. Aidan > Sumire, Hikaru > Kiyoko, Jack really wanted Tere and his wife... then Even Sarissa... her male partner... Alas I will keep all of this deep within myself because I don’t want to hurt any of them but I need to be able to just hug someone... I want to mean something to someone... to matter as more than just a position within some military and be someone’s distraction when their primary isn’t around.

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